


Crimson Storm

by DruidX



Series: The Genderless!HoK (TES IV: Oblivion) [10]
Category: Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion
Genre: Gen, Heavy Angst, Panic Attacks, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Threats of Rape/Non-Con, pushing friends away, vengeance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-28
Updated: 2021-01-28
Packaged: 2021-03-14 12:49:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,792
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29046423
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DruidX/pseuds/DruidX
Summary: Martin has a panic attack, which brings up old history.
Series: The Genderless!HoK (TES IV: Oblivion) [10]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1901968
Kudos: 8





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This was a request from strosmkai_rum with the prompt:
>
>>   
>  _HoK brings Sanguine rose to Martin, boom, panic attack._   
> 
> 
> I mixed it up a little... 

"Well, I'm not doing Molag Bal's quest. Making a Paladin break his vow?" Rowan shook hir head. Xe were sat cross-legged on the bench opposite Martin's usual seat, pouring over a map of Cyrodiil on which were marked the shrines of the Daedric Princes. "Namira's seems like a conflict of interest as well..."

"What did you say Azura's was?" Baurus asked, from where he relaxed against one of the Great Hall's mighty pillars, light from the fire turning his pine-bark skin to bronze. "She's usually the most benevolent of the Princes."

Martin paused at the end of the bench and looked over at them both, the firelight adding extra shadows to his already sallow face. "Don't be fooled," he said, turning to pace once more. "None of the Daedra are on the side of Man and Mer."

"That's as maybe," Rowan said, giving him a level look, before flicking hir gaze back to the map. "Ah... Azura wanted some vampires killed. That's nice and easy."

"It's too dangerous. You might contract Porphyric Hemophilia."

"Martin, all of these are dangerous. What else were you expecting from quests given by a Daedric Prince?" Rowan sighed. "Maybe I could do Sanguine's. That's not too dangerous. Might even be a bit of fun."

Martin stopped short, cold washing over him at the very mention of the Prince's name. 

"Adding spirit to a dull party, followed by a bracing streak across town..." Rowan was saying, but hir voice turned a muted buzz in Martin's ears. His lungs constricted. The collar of his cassock was too tight, and he tugged at the decorative pin that held it closed.

"Sire?" Baurus was pulling away from the pillar. Heat followed the cold, a flush burning his chest and face. The pin landed on the table with a too-loud clatter.

"Martin?" Rowan asked, looking up, eyebrows pinched.

"I'm fi- Fine."

"Sire, what's wrong?"

"It's... hot."

Martin blinked, and Baurus was only a few steps away. Martin's heartbeat thundered in his ears, his eyes skittering between his Hero and his Guardian. They were too close. The walls were too close. Everything, crowding in. Too close too close. He blinked rapidly, turning his head, searching for an escape. The world swayed like a spinning top about to fall.

"Air. I need air," Martin mumbled, tugging the cassock's collar open, against the stuttering rise of his chest. He stumbled away from them, towards the great hall's doors. "Air. Please, air."

"Martin!" Rowan called after him, as he sprinted through the doors.

The Hero and Blade shared a look, before cannoning along after their Emperor.

"Where did he go?" Baurus demanded as they spilt into the cold night.

"Baurus?" Jena asked. "What's happening?"

"The Emperor! Where did he go?" Rowan roared.

"Down towards the main gate," Jena said. "Xir?" The Blade sister called, as Baurus took off.

"I'll explain later," Rowan called over hir shoulder, as xe followed Baurus.

The two Blades slid to a halt at the base of the stairs. Rowan glanced at Baurus, and he inclined his head, indicating the Hero should take the lead.

"Martin?" Rowan said, approaching the priest, hands held low.

He spun away from the doors, hair wild and eyes rimmed red.

"No. Please don't- Don't touch me!"

"Alright! Alright... Marty, I won't-" Xe swallowed past the ache in hir chest. "I won't come any closer. But Marty, you gotta sit down for me. Okay? So we're just..." Xe slowly crouched, waiting for Martin to echo the action "...We're just gonna sit down, okay? It's just you, me, and Baurus keeping an eye out." 

Martin twisted, wanting to pace, but not enough space to do so. Instead, he gripped his arms, raising watery vision to the bruise-dark sky. Dread crawled through his veins, like slick black slugs. His gripping fingers turned into claws, as he tore against the cassock's cloth.

"Martin stop!" Rowan cried, distraught. "Don't- Don't do that. Please." The pain in hir voice froze his hands. Instead, Martin twisted the cloth, pinching at the skin beneath.

"Let me out," Martin said, his tone caught between pleading and command. Fresh tears stained his cheeks. "Please? Please."

"I can't do that, Marty. You know I can't," Rowan said, her voice tight. "Please. Can you sit? We can talk this through."

"There's nothing- Go! Leave me alone. Leave! me alone. Don't touch me go... away. Go away!"

Rowan put a hand over hir mouth and backed up a few steps, as Martin ran his hands through his hair, tugging at the roots.

Xe glanced at Baurus, the redguard's lips pressed into a line. He gave Rowan a conciliatory nod, clasping hir arm before stepping forward. 

"We can't leave, Sire," Baurus said firmly. "Sit down. Please."

Martin glanced over. Baurus crouched down to one knee, and Martin finally followed suit, slipping down against the Temple's mighty gates.

"There. Isn't that better?" Baurus said, the soft rumble of his voice warming the chill air. "Now. You should take some deep breaths. Do you think you-"

"Where is Martin? What's going on?" came Jauffre's shout. Baurus closed his eyes.

"I'm not going far. Neither of us are," he said, rising and stepping back to Rowan.

"Knife-parchment-rock for Jauffre?" Rowan asked.

Baurus shook his head. "No. You've got a better rapport with His Majesty. I'll take Jauffre."

"I honestly don't," Rowan said, a sick expression on hir face. "You're the one who got him to sit."

"I know how the Grandmaster works. I can keep him from making anything worse." Baurus squeezed Rowan's shoulder. "You got this, Hero."

"May your underwear always be itchy," Rowan said with a scowl. Baurus gave hir a humourless grin as he moved away.

"Hey," Rowan said, as xe approached Martin again, kneeling on the flagstones. The priest looked up, his eyes darting from the Hero to where Baurus was leading Grandmaster Jauffre away. "It's okay," xe said, making a calming gesture. "It's okay. No one is mad at you. You're not in trouble." Xe paused. "How's that breathing coming, huh? How about we try together? We'll take a nice... deep... breath," Rowan filled hir lungs and held it for a short count before releasing. Martin's chest rose and fell a little less frantically than before. Rowan gave him an encouraging smile.

"Okay, let's see if we can pull your mind out of whatever dark hole you've fallen into. Can you tell me something red you can see?"

Martin blinked slowly once, his whole face going deathly still and whiter than the snow, his gaze going from animated to vacantly staring into the middle-distance.

"Marty? Martin?" 

No response.

"Shit. Shitty shiting shit." Rowan crawled over. His chest wasn't moving at all now. "Marty? No, no, no. C'mon. Don't do this to me. Martin!" Rowan clapped hir hands in his face. Martin blinked rapidly again, heaving in a breath. For a moment he seemed like his regular, collected, priestly self. Then those bright blue eyes widened in fear and he skittered away from Rowan.

"Okay. Okay, so that didn't work." Xe backed away. "Marty, look at me. Hey, come on buddy. Look at me. Please." Xe held up hir hands and began slowly tapping the fingers together in an intricate pattern. Martin stilled again, watchful this time. "How about you try?" Rowan said, repeating the pattern slower. Martin lifted his hands and, hesitant at first, began to copy the pattern. Martin's shoulders slumped as he and Rowan worked through the pattern again. A few tears dripped down his face, and his hands began shaking as he tried to complete the pattern. A few became many, splashing like thunder-drops onto the flagstones, and he buried his face in his arms.

"Oh," Rowan mumbled. Xe crawled over, reaching out to embrace him, but stopped hirself. "Marty. Oh, duck. Do you need a hug?" Martin lifted his head from his arms for a moment, as if to assure himself it was only Rowan asking, before crashing into hir and burying his face in Rowan's shoulder.

* * *

"You know what the worst part is?" Martin said bitterly, slumped against the door jamb of the Temple's gates after spilling his history in the Sanguine cult. "That knowledge doesn't just... flitter away. I can't unlearn all the little... _tricks_ He taught me. They're still in here," Martin tapped the side of his head. His tone darkened, face twisting to a mask of revulsion, a mint-green glow springing to his fingertips. He stared at it with loathing. "If I wanted to, I could make you go down on me right now. Choke you to death on my cock. Make you enjoy it."

Rowan swallowed. "Maybe you could," Rowan said, hir tone even and emotionless. "But you wouldn't. You're a good man, Martin. I trust you."

The light lingered. "Even after everything I've just said?"

"Yes." The spell-spark snuffed out. "I won't deny it was difficult to listen to. But truthfully, it makes me trust you more."

Martin barked out a derisive laugh. "You're insane. I'm deplorable. Besmirched. I've done despicable things-"

"Yes. _Done_. It's in the past. That's why you're trustworthy. You've not used those powers in decades."

His face melted into fear. "But the Xarxes... What if I-"

"You won't."

Martin swallowed, his gaze fretful.

"But what if I do?" he whispered.

"We'll put a plan in place then. But you won't. No more than I'd set a horse on fire, or snipe the Blades from the roof." Rowan looked away, up at the shadowy Temple. "We've all done terrible things, Marty. But having the skills and using them are two different things. You're still a good man and I still trust you."

"You shouldn't."

"That's not your choice." Rowan pulled hirself to hir feet, reaching out a hand. "Come on. You need water, warmth and rest. I'll make you a soporific. Help you sleep." Martin staggered to his feet, clutching at Rowan for support.

"What about the daedric artefact?"

"I'll roll a die. Come back with something you won't care about." Something dark flashed in Rowan's expression, and xe forced a smile to cover it. "Come on. Bedtime for you."


	2. Chapter 2

Later, as Rowan was giving Baurus a soporific potion outside the barracks, Baurus took Rowan's hand.

"You're going to do Sanguine's quest aren't you?" he asked. Rowan turned hir head away. "I saw your expression. I know what that look means."

"I'll bring him one of the others," Rowan said, hir tone cold. Baurus caught hir face, turning it back to his.

"But you're still going to get the Rose. What are you going to do with it?"

Rowan pressed hir lips together, loathing creeping into the set of hir mouth, glittering darkly in hir eyes. Hir words dripped venom, as xe whispered, "Destroy it."


End file.
